My heart hurts.

Adam is gone.

Last night he drove me to my car, helped pack up my things, kissed me goodbye and drove away. I have no idea when I'll see him again. He certainly won't becoming back to Portland...

Adam is leaving for Atlanta. He has a wonderful opportunity there and I'm sure he will grow rapidly. It will be amazing from his talents and when he is finished, I am excited to see what he'll have become. However, our time here in Portland is finished. That sucks.

He told me how much it hurt to not have me in Portland over the summer and I guess I didn't really understand. Kansas City was working so well I didn't really stop to think of what Portland must have been like. Now I get to.

Adam is my best friend. Everything around here reminds me of him and the fact I don't have him here stinks. 

I don't have a home right now and back in Kansas City, that made me mad that I'd have no where to live while I'm here, but in retrospect I'm glad. I don't think I'd like being in my apartment without him. I can't imagine what it must have been like to stay there and have all of my things around him. No wonder he felt so bad.

My heart hurts and I don't know how to make it go away. I want to be excited about being back in Portland, but it is difficult. In general it is pretty hard to see things in a good light right now. 

I want to have him around again, all the time, like he was before, but when am I going to Atlanta? When would he go to Kansas City? It would be awful to ask him to come back to Portland. From where I am standing, my year here in Portland looks pretty lonely. I am glad I'm going to Kansas City. I need to get away from this....

I miss Adam so much.

The Golden State

August 6th - I arrived in San Francisco at 9:30am. I was flying there to meet Adam so we could go to his older sister's wedding on the 8th. We planned a day for ourselves on the 6th.

Adam was already in California being a glass star with Loren Stump and Emilio Santini. His class had finished on Sunday and he'd since been hanging out at Loren's studio waiting for me to arrive.

Our goal was to see as much of San Fran as physically possible in one day, and I think we did a good job. We started at the Fisherman's Wharf (I got to drive down Lombard Street on the way there), shared a bread bowl for lunch, then walked the financial district and ended in China Town for dinner. After potstickers, we were both too tired and poor to continue, so we went to our hotel and fell fast asleep.

The next day, August 7th, we drove to Monterey and took part in pre-wedding parties. There was the wedding rehearsal, rehearsal barbeque, and after barbeque drinks. I met Adam's dad's large side of the family and ate more Mexican food.

Speaking of food, I haven't eaten yet. I'll finish this up after I do.

Okay, August 8th - Andrea's wedding was lovely. It was held at this beach side resort in a spot overlooking the water. The resort catered and provided almost everything. The wedding was picturesque to say the least. Adam made glass flowers for Andrea's bridal bouquet and they were ooh'ed and ahh'ed over by everyone. The photographer said he'd been doing wedding's along time and had never seen anything like it. He also mentioned that Adam should go into business making glass bridal bouquets, Adam though this would be a good idea.

There was much dancing at the reception and everyone left feeling the wedding went very well.

The 9th and 10th were spent with Adam's family exploring Monterey. We went swimming at Lover's Point, explored tide pools, watched beautiful sunsets and traversed the aquarium. Adam felt at home in Monterey, one of the place he grew up, and was obviously excited to see the aquarium and tide pools.

The evening of the 10th, the two of us said goodbye to Adam's family and drove up the coast to Humboldt State Park. (When crossing the Golden Gate Bridge, there was so much fog, we couldn't even see it.) We arrived too late to find a real camping spot, so we pitched our tent on the side of the road.

The next day we signed up for environmental camping at the ranger station and spent our one day in the woods tromping through redwood trails and streams. I think we are going to attempt to go every year. My heart hurt leaving so early.

Yesterday, we drove home. Last night I had to say goodbye....

This land is my land...

The last three months: Portland to Poulsbo, WA - Bozeman, MT - Murdo, SD - Kansas City, Mo - Dodge City KS, - Santa Fe, NM - Taos, NM - Abiquiu, NM - Moab, UT - Price, UT - Salt Lake City, UT - Boise, ID - Poulsbo, WA - Portland, OR - San Francisco, CA - Monterey, CA - Humboldt State Park, CA - Grants Pass, OR - Portland, OR. (From Dodge City to Portland within a span of the last three weeks) 

I've traveled through Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Iowa, Nebraska, Missouri, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, Oregon, and California. 

I've driven many miles and have more to go, but for a few days I get to relax and stay here in Portland. I'm feeling a little down and I'll explain why in paragraphs to come...

July 23rd- With my mom in tow, we left Kansas City for Dodge City, Kansas. I would have thought there would be more "Western" tourist cashing in, but there ended up being only one block wide area that was gated in and looked like something from Knotts Berry farm. It was eight or so dollars to go in, so my mom and I passed it up. Some new facts about Dodge City: 1. D.C. is home to two meat packing plants, one of which is the second largest in the United States. 2. Between 1871 and 1875 D.C. was the hub for the mass slaughter of a couple million buffalo. Within four years the trade boomed and died out, so through was the hunting and killing of the buffalo.

July 24th - included driving. We went from Dodge City to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Coincidentally, we we arrived in Santa Fe on the weekend of the Spanish Market. The Spanish Market is a big street fair focused on Hispanic Art, much of which is Catholic/Saint themed.

July 25th and 26th - Spent the days between Santa Fe and Taos. Both cities are quite overrun with tourism. That set aside, (as hard as it might be) the spirit of the of the area was wonderful. The artistic culture includes a fair amount of Dia De Los Muertos, Santos, and general Catholic themes. I enjoyed seeing pictures of saints in many stores and statues dressed with symbolic clothing in the churches. 

On the 26th my mother and I went to Taos Pueblo, very interesting to see an active dwelling like that.

Ate much good mexican food. Had the best tamale's in a alley way cantina. If only I could eat them everyday... goal for me: learn to make killer tamales.

July 27th - August 1st - Ghost Ranch (http://www.ghostranch.org/). This time period I was out of cell and internet service, except if I drove out a few mile and then I could make a phone call. The land was awe-inspiringly beautiful and the location peaceful. We took a watercolor class as part of the retreat center and I realized how much it is I know about painting, I was honestly kind of surprised. I was more advance than the class so instead I worked on my scratchboards and walked around thinking. There was a great deal of thinking and talking with my mom. The weather was wild, hot and sunny in the morning, cold(ish) and stormy at night.

On the 31st my good friends moved me out of my apartment and I thank them very much. I owe you guys. I was stressed out beyond belief wondering how I'd get myself out of there.

August 2nd.  - More driving. From Abiquiu to Price. We stopped in Moab to see Arches National Park. Well worth seeing and even more worth going back to. Next time I will have to take rock climbing shoes. It was like the world's best jungle gym, and the nicest part is, it's okay to climb on the rocks!

More good mexican food.

August 3rd - Saw my old friend Katie Wiseman and her new baby girl, Sophie!!! I spent two hours with her just out side Salt Lake and saw that she is doing very well. Her husband Ben is very nice and I look forwards to when they live closer. Her baby slept the whole time and never pooped on me once.

August 4th and 5th - Arrived in Poulsbo around dinner time. Had pizza with my parents. The next morning I went into the Toyota dealership to have the spark plugs on my car fixed then drove to Portland. Arrived around 5pm, just in time to catch Jenny, Uriah, and Tyler. Went out to Indian food with them and Jenny's sister. After, I gave them a small tour of Portland. Stayed up until 2am hanging out, only to get up at 4 so I could drop my car off at Adam Poolman's. The off to the airport....

KCMO tie up.

So I haven't posted in some time, but now I'll start back up.

To tie up my last week in KCMO, I took part in a dance show, did well enough that the troupe asked me to join while I'm in town. Carla, from PNCA, showed up at Hammerpress and started interning in Wendy's spot on Tuesday and Thursdays. I left on Thursday the 23rd and have been gone for three weeks. I've been in and out of cell service/internet and have traveled many miles....

Majorly needed update - part uno

Okay, so I know that I owe some major blogging. It has been about a week and a half since I updated. I've been kept very busy, and the longer I postponed updating, the more I wanted to keep putting it off, but now I'm sitting in a hotel room with little else to do and I might as well make up for lost time.

Now where was I....

Sunday, July 12th - was a roomie hang out day. Originally I was going to work on my zine and illustration projects but Uriah dropped by and fixed the bike he'd given me. We cleaned the rust off the chain and he reassembled it so that an inaugural ride around the West Bottoms was due.

Joe and Uriah's friend Tyler joined us for a ride to the Kemper Arena, where we got booted by the typical, fat, lazy, security guard in a golf cart. While tempted to ride circles around him, we left in a respectful manner and headed to some of the sketchier, industrial places in the West Bottoms. We crosses two bridges and probably ended up riding ten to fifteen miles through various Bottoms sites before we tired.

Around sundown, we all decided our hunger was enough for cheap Mexican and the guys took me to the infamous Pancho's 24 hour burrito joint. There, we talked about girls and their crafty ways until Uriah's girlfriend Jenny called.

The evening was spent at Jenny's place, porching it and enjoying the night air. When Jenny and I fell asleep, it was time to go home.

Monday, July 13th - Tyler called and he came over for another Bottoms bike ride. Uriah and Joe were out, so it ended up being just the two of us. Tyler works for the airlines and therefore gets free flights out of KCI. We talked about the places we'd been and where we wanted to go until our stomachs rumbled. Somehow it came up that I'd never had K.C. barbecue, and Tyler insisted we rectify that.

There are two places in Kansas City that compete for the Kansas City title of BBQ Ruler - Oklahoma Joe's and Arthur Bryants. Oklahoma Joe's is more kitchy, located in a gas station and very popular with out-of-towners. Arthur Bryant's is more traditional restaurant style, but has been around longer. Tyler took me to Oklahoma Joe's.

I had the pulled pork, medium heat. Not impressed. I've had honest, backyard, grassroots, barbecue, and I imagine it is going to be hard to beat. ***sidenote - Carolina BBQ = vinegar and meat based vs. KC BBQ = sweet and sauce based.***

Tuesday, July 14th - Went to Hammerpress and worked on folding cards as well as the first layer of Brady's new Neko Case poster, for her show on Sunday, July 19th - done in all metallics with an Illustration by Matt. I don't remember what I did that night, but something tells me it included falling asleep early.

Wednesday, July 15th - Worked on the third layer of the Neko Case poster (Brady has done the second the previous night). I also packaged orders and cleaned up the shop.

After work I went to the rehearsal for my show that coming Sunday. Didn't I mention I was going to be in a show? No? Well, last month, Halliday and I went out to see a dance troupe called Two Gun preform. The silly person I am, said; "Hey! I can do that!" and volunteered to guest spot at their next show which happened to be Ex Post Facto.

I'd decided on a 1920's gangster themed act. On the previous Saturday, Halliday and I picked up my costume, Adam had mailed me my black wig and I was all but ready to go. The only thing I needed was music. The Ex Post Facto Show also included fashion designers, 30 plus models, and bands, in otherwords, the rehearsal was a feat of organization. I didn't need to do much, but it was good going and meeting everyone.

Post rehearsal, Ron paid me for my poster. Forty bucks! I know it isn't much, and certainly didn't cover the time I invested, but still, it was my first paid commission as a designer! Fourty bucks meant two for one burgers at the Brick. Halliday joined me and we didn't leave until late.

Thursday July 16th - was an interesting day at Hammerpress. Carla from PNCA showed up to ask for an intern position. Brady had never replied to her email. Taking the initiative, Carla decided to come in anyways. Brady's answer was "yes" and he set her up folding cards. I joined her for awhile before printing the first layer to some business cards on the treadle platen.

The evening was spent searching for better music (found it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdAt4qWvz_8) and practicing my routine in my costume.

Ladies day!

Saturday was a ladies day.

Halliday and I met up around 3 to go shopping. I needed a costume for an event this weekend and she just got her paycheck. We started at the costume shop on Main, but got there three minutes after closing. That didn't hold us down. Instead we drove north to do some thrifting.

First stop was the pizza buffet where I had potato pizza with bacon bits on top accompanyed by barbeque pizza with jalapenos. Man I love jalepenos...like pickles but way better.

Next stop was the amazing DAV up near Smithville. Yet again, I scored. I found a slip for my costume, and some awsome electric blue and tan heels, plus a super cute cardigan for me. Smithville DAV was followed up an outdoor mall stop where I found another good costume piece at Hot Topic and the cutest summer dress known to man at forever 21. By then we were getting tired but we ended out shopping trip at Joanne's for some trim and black fabric dye for my slip.

Originally, I was going to then go to a house part with Halliday, but I ended up calling it a night instead. We had alot of fun and it felt refreshing to go out with another lady and just be girls. More shopping trips like this need to occur!

Oh, weird sidenote. So apparently I'm hot stuff with the Illustration Art Direction class. So far I've had four requests to do work. I wish they were more descriptive in their emails, but I've decided I can take two on, and had to turn the other two down. Crazy, eh?

Presses and punk bands

Friday Brady left early in the morning to go to St. Louis for a wedding - well, by early, I mean 10ish. Matt didn't come into work either, also to go to a (different) wedding. That left Jen, Bobby, and I to work Hammerpress. I had a list of things to do that included assembling wedding invites, cleaning, folding make-ready notebooks, and printing more card inserts.

The wedding invites had a "cantaloupe" and "watermelon" diecut cover/envelope with five inserts. With the three of us in an assembly line, it didn't take very long to put them together and I had plenty of time for my other list of chores.

When I clean, which I try to do extensively every other week, I try to do it as thoroughly as possible. Because of what I sweep up, I don't think that had been happening before. Through cleaning is one of my little way of setting myself apart. I know Brady has noticed a difference, he's mentioned so, and so I am attempting to keep that distinction up.

I ended the day with much printing of inserts on the treadle press.

The evening didn't include too much until Halliday called around 10 to go to a punk show down the street. It wasn't very interesting, the music being (personally) nothing of distinction. I did however have a good conversation with one of the guitarists about the pros and cons of the Empire pre and post Sith influence. Oh and some dudes did a sweet trick on the skate ramp in the warehouse - lots of jumping over trashcans and such.

I ended the night back at the Pistol, a little lonely and a lot tired. I have good friends here, but everyone is pairing off and it makes me miss my Adam something strong.