Phone calls and emails

Tuesday sucked beyond all suckage. I did get new bike tires and take a ride around the West Bottoms. I did talk to some friends, and had very good talks at that, but I felt incredibly weighed down by my calls to PNCA.

Hammerpress work was fine. Brady liked what I'd printed over the weekend and we will score it probably next week. He and Lindsay are working on a branding project with some of their friends who are setting up a restaurant business called "The Town Company". I spent the day typesetting different fonts and pulling proofs so that they could play around with the logo and set out from there. I did something else, but I can't remember what. Maybe I packaged stuff, because I don't think I printed anything else. Typesetting took so long there wasn't anyway I could have. Maybe if I blogged sooner this wouldn't happen....

Anyways, at lunch I called Rachel Allen. I'm at a loss of how to deal with this situation with Student Services. I feel like every time I talk to her I am met with distaste and dislike. This may or may not be the case, but the tone of one's voice does count for something, right? The whole business has been handled very badly, not just by her either. I shouldn't have gotten so upset when they told me, or maybe I should have vocalized my feelings in a different fashion, but where is the learning situation?

I feel like they okayed me to do the internship. Since that is the case, shouldn't they give me some time to move out then? When I moved in over a year and a half ago, the current R.A. needed some extra time to get her things together and I was asked to postpone my move in date till the fifteenth. I was still unpacking during the time that new students were moving in. This wasn't a huge issue, but new standards are being held. After I was notified of my not being re-hired, I had two weeks to move out, if I wanted to go before I left for my internship, one of which was finals week. I don't think it was crazy of me to ask for a few days upon my return from Kansas to get my things out.

Well my request was unacceptable, (I guess I can see how they wouldn't want a new R.A. to postpone his move in date, after all, they are trying to make this a legit program...), and so instead they offered 200 dollars worth of moving services. A generous offer, I will agree to that, they could be leaving me entirely high and dry. To get everything ready to go, my boyfriend has been having to pack up my entire apartment. Honestly, I don't think it is his business to do that, as he has his own duties and job to deal with, but he has been generous enough to agree to help.

I told Rachel over the phone that he has been "feverishly packing". She stopped by during apartment checks, and I guess she would not label the progress as feverish. Following that, I got an absurdly formal email telling me the terms that I've agreed to and what the ramifications of me not following through will be. I've worked for these people for two years. They are not formal - well unless they are taking sanctions or preparing to do so. I could be over reacting, as it was an email, but I am still confused.

I'm not going to flake out and just leave my stuff there cackling madly; "muahahaha! now you have to move it!". I don't know why this is such an issue. I believe have real reason to be having trouble moving as I am not going to be in Oregon on the move out date, and they knew this when they approved my internship. I'm not trying to screw student services over, really and truly. I might be frustrated with them, personally rightfully so, but they've worked with me long enough to know that I am a hard working, trustworthy person, or well... they should.

I have to go back to work, I'll write more later.

Where is my mind?

I'm not really sure what to make of today.

I waited around for something to happen that ended up not happening. I need to chill out and relax, let things come as they may. This obsessing over what may or may not happen is not only unattractive, but jinxes any chances with this stagnate passing of time. it's only been four days. I've taken things with the flow so far and it's worked for me. I need to quit meddling and back off.

I had to get a new phone since mine freaked out on me. I also tried to return the bike tires Uriah and I bought the other day for the correct size, but it turns out the place is closed on Mondays. What I did do, is work on my display for the symposium. I made a couple of signs to be silkscreened and snuck into the resturant supply store. There, I bought some menu holders for my signs.

Tomorrow I plan to get back into the swing of things, - dig myself out of whatever games my mind has been playing and keep plodding along. After work, I'm going to grab the tires I need, return the supplies I got at Home Depot - wrong sizes for the book idea, and go thrifting with Halliday for a 1920's costume, oh and go for a bike ride- I need that.

Pecos Bill

* Pecos Bill zine cover - still needs to be scored on platen press.

* Milagro tag - possibly sell for a dollar?

Printing Pecos

Yesterday I spent the entire day working on my zine cover and the tag for milagros.

I didn't get started til after a few episodes of Buffy (finished season four) and ended late into the night. I printed the rest of my brown layer, blue layer, and final gold layer. Finished, it is a five color print that I must say, am very proud of. I have some great ideas for my next one, Paul Bunyon, but it will be a bit before I finish that one. Now for making my content...

The Freakin' Fourth

Friday was started by heading out the fireworks alley and doing my thing. I come from a long line of fireworks hagglers (well, my dad.) and I don't no for an answer.

Fireworks alley is comprised of a bunch of small shacks turned into firework stores. There are probably ten to twelve all in a line. I parked at one and walked through a few before deciding on my end picks. I found that some stores specialized in family style vs. showy and other specialized in mid-size vs. large or small.

At the first place I went I found what I was looking for. A two foot tall package of kick-ass mortars. Only problem was the price - two hundred dollars, not feasible. The kid working there was trying hard to sell it to me but I knew I could find better so I went down the street.

The next place I went, I found the same firework for a quarter of the price. Not satisfied, I kept looking. The next place I found a bunch of mid-size fireworks on super discount, the sort of thing that was originally twenty is now 7.49.

In the end, I got Excalibur - the mortar shells - at quarter price with sparklers and firecrackers thrown in from one stand then Paint the Sky, some other cake, a tube mortar, ground blossoms, and roman candles from another guy. The tube mortar, ground blossoms, and roman candles were free. With a little bit of standing firm on free stuff and a dash of "this is my first fourth far away from home" a person can get pretty far in the fireworks department. I'll just say, I made my poppa proud.

After loading up on explosives, I went to Hammerpress to continue working on my zine cover. I finished printing the orange layer and the red-brown layer before I left to go find something to do. Oh, Brady gave me a key, that's how I got in.

My original plans with Halliday fell through and it started to look like I wouldn't find anyone to party with. I got kind of bummed as dark came and nothing looked promising. Around ten, Joe called and I met up with him at his boss' house. I had some pie and we stayed for about an hour before leaving for the next destination.

Erica was having a shindig at her house. There were probably around twenty to thirty people chilling at Erica's, just listening to music and setting off small fireworks. I laughed in the face of their sub-standard fireworks. We "porched it" and eventually I decided to pull out two of the "smaller" fireworks I had and show these people what real fire power looked like. My single mortar tube was first and pretty excellent. I will have to remember it for next year. It shot out with excellent report and exploded in to a nice green peony. The next was the smaller of my two cakes, which was alright. It was just like any other mid-range cake, though it made good noise.

Halliday called and said she was going to show at Erica's and I waited for her to arrive, but then left shortly after. I was kind of tired of the party and wanted to find people that could really appreciate big fireworks, the West Bottoms was bound to have some. I left Joe behind since he wasn't finished.

Back home, Zack from downstairs was hanging out setting off bottle rockets with some of his friends. I pulled out my second cake - which ended up being mostly noise, and then got out the big guns. Excalibur was probably worth the two hundred it was originally priced at. The mortars were loud with explosive, wide, colorful blooms. The warehouses on either side of the street amplified the sound to make them worth every penny I paid and far more. Each one was different. I set off eighteen out of twenty four, some two at a time to make for a fabulous show.

While it wasn't the best fourth ever, the night did pan out to go pretty nicely. Funny how what I was looking for was outside my own front door.

Free Range

Thursday

Most of the day was spent carving out a pointing finger linocut. I learned a thing or two about transferring images and am excited to use the idea when I return to PNCA. The mood of the office was super relaxed.

Carla from school stopped by to see me and talk to Brady about the possibility of interning for a month until she heads back to PNCA. I'm not really sure how that will work as a new girl is starting up on Monday and I can't figure how Hammerpress will handle many more interns. Free work though, I'm sure Brady can't find too many reasons to turn that down.

At the end of the day, I had an excellent talk with Brady about how I am doing. Since it is midsummer, I wanted to know if I was fitting in alright and doing my work well. Not only did he say that I was, but he told me it took a year for Bobby to be allowed to use the platen press I've been using the last week or so. In otherwords, I totally fit in and have been learning quick enough that Brady feels confident in my skills.

We also chatted a bit about art print ideas. I asked him if I could print my zine cover at Hammerpress. Brady said yes and that I could start it Friday if I wanted to since he and Lindsay were leaving town for his parents. Eek!

Thursday night was laid back as well, and I hung out while Uriah's band practiced for their First Friday gig. Their sound is excellent and sets a good tone, but the singer kind of mucks it up with her whiny voice. Later, Jared and I watched the Colbert Report and talked for a bit before it was time to go to sleep.

Friday

Work was completely fun. The whole feeling was like we were already on holiday. Since Brady was leaving town, Hammerpress was not going to be open for First Friday and thus the usual First Friday jitters were absent. We could relax and enjoy our day.

When I arrived, Brady had cleared one of the presses for me to work on and I dove in. Jen took the day off and Bobby printed some notecards and then dabbled with an insert for awhile.

For my zine cover, I decided to start with Pecos Bill and print about as many as my tolerance and attention span would let me. I cut down 300-ish pieces of chipboard to start with. I'd been itching to try the upside down woodtype effect and so I found some pieces that Brady had tossed aside and assembled a background. I was able to print the white layer and a few orange before I was done for the day. I also assembled my title and a tag for some milagros I am going to sell at the Zine Symposium.

Joe stopped by before we closed and checked out my progress before heading out to First Friday festivities. I feel incredibly at home printing and have had about a million ideas burst through my head. I hope I have enough time to get them all down.

Around five-thirty I went home to change. I wore my 1950's reproduction dress that I'd found at the DAV with Halliday - sleeveless with yellow and green foliage. I added my wide black belt and heels and must say I looked smashing. I got many compliments.

I met Halliday at Hammerpress and we wandered around looking for Uriah's band, which we didn't find until their last two songs. There had to be at least ten other bands playing outside and every time I heard one, I would have sworn it was them, but it wasn't. On our search we ran into Ron, the guy who commissioned the EX Post Facto poster. He was hanging them up everywhere he could and even had printed some smaller versions for handouts. The poster looked pretty fabulous, even though it was just black and white.

Halliday's dad found us at Uriah's band and we went out from there. We looked at art until the galleries kicked us out. Personally, the display was much more interesting this month around. Maybe I was too quick to judge Kansas City's art scene. While there was still alot of craft, we did see some excellent paintings.

Halliday was interested in hitting up some Karaoke at the Brick, and that's where we spent the rest of the night. I didn't sing anything, but I did dance my pants off.

Oh and the exterminator came while I was at work. Hopefully this means less fleas....

Thoughts

Tuesday and Wednesday didn't have much to offer in the way of interesting events.

Tuesday I printed over 1000 business cards before lunch and found wearing tennis shoes makes a large difference with how quickly one can get 1000 done with (I did not mention this to Brady as he has commented before how he thinks it's odd I wear flip flops all the time). Some packaging was done, and some "limited edition" stationary printed (actually Brady trying to find a use for some old ledger pages).

Tuesday night there was a show, but between biking, and little sleep the previous night, it wasn't anything that grabbed my attention enough to stop me from falling asleep.

Wednesday had more printing, and some screw ups to go with. I cut down thousands of inserts and prepped the presses for tomorrow. Brady and I discussed an art print idea, and I have to make some sketches, but he's up for me adding to my portfolio (the ABC print has been a big hit).

I've got to get working on my zine. I've decided it is going to be a collection of American mythology. My first one is going to be on Pecos Bill, then Paul Bunyon. I want to do issues on John Henry, Casey Jones, Hiawatha, and Johnny Appleseed as well (probably in the order). Time is passing way too quickly and that is where I am going to....

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So, here I am in Kansas City. More than once, I've looked around me said; "Where the fuck am I, and how the fuck did I get here?". At times, I don't know what to make of it.

I'm sitting here and trying to think of how I can possibly write the sentiments that are rolling around in my head. Forgive me if my point doesn't come across exactly, but then I am trying to hash out a point where I am jumping forword, and I can't say I entirely make sense, even to myself.

Is it possible for there to be an alternate reality, in your reality? It feels like I've been dropped into a place that I've actually been for years, and just now time has caught up with me. The people I've met, the places I've been - I feel an easy familiarity that would speak of age, the only lacking quality being memories. I've never made friends this fast, or become part of a community so quickly. It isn't my home, but it is my refuge.

Thinking of Portland, I know time goes on, but I can't grasp it. I know I have a life that exists there, but it isn't tangible.

Coming here, I've realised how much of myself I've sacrificed in the last year. What I am, and who I love has been set aside in a futile attempt to build something in a place that doesn't have a foundation to start from. Last year I put a lot of work in, had it credited to others, and was dismissed due to a lack of acceptable communication, that was never addressed due to a lack of acceptable communication. Every step that I've taken seems like a battle hard won. I'm tired of it. I need to regroup.

In comes Kansas City, a place where I know no one and now know everyone. Doors are opening without me asking - or begging. I have that feeling at the tips of my fingers - the one where you know your art is progressing and it's all you can do to make more. fuck I don't want to jinx it, but I think my creative blockage is coming undone - I just realized this. I've been struggling with concepts since last September...

I'm being asked to make art outside of art school and there is even the possibilty of my making (alittle) real money at it. I have a great deal of creative freedom, and what more could I possibility demand of my situation? I'm going forword - fast. I feel powerful and as though (just maybe) finally I am an artistic contender.

And all of this comes with the added benefit that I've done it as myself. I dance when I want to dance, swear when I want to swear, drink when I feel like it, eat properly, socialize when, with who, and how I please. My speech has improved with the absence of art school and once again I sound as though I've read a book.

I'm carrying on and still don't feel like I've quite captured where I am coming from or even more importantly, where I am going, but the main point of this rant is that I am staying. Not forever, but for the next semester. Kansas City has more in store for me and I need to explore it.

I don't mean this to be insulting to anyone back in Portland. There are a handful of excellent friends there who I love dearly and miss, (I will keep writing!!!) but you must understand, I am recharging. I'll be home in August for a bit to tie up some ends, so you will see me soon.